(Sigh) Mario: Can’t Wait To Watch TV! Jeffy: Hey Daddy, Wanna See Me Be A Fish? Mario: A Fish? Jeffy: Yeah, Watch. (INSTANT CONSTIPATION) Mario: J- Jeffy Stop It. (CONSTIPATION AGAIN) Goodman: Breaking News, Mkkay! YouTube Sensation, Hogan Paul, A YouTuber Who Has 15 Million Subscribers And Makes Millions Of Dollars For Making Vdeos On YouTube Goodman: Is Under Fire This Week, For Recording Himself, Hitting His Dead Hamster With A Baseball Bat Goodman: We Have Footage To Show You Now, But Keep In Mind The Video Footage Is Disturbing. What’s up HoeGang guess what I found this morning! my hamster died! look at em’ all dead. Oh, you know what I do with dead hamsters? This! (Hogan Hits Dead Hamster):(] WABOOOSH!!! Haha!! HAAAAAAAAA
*Hogan.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING* Wow, that is disturbing. Anyway, we have an exclusive interview with Hogan Paul now. Goodman? I’m over here with YouTube sensation, Hogan Paul, who has recently …came under fire for hitting his dead hamster with a baseball bat. Hogan…? Hogan? Hogan!! Huh? yeah, yeah Where did you think, it was acceptable, to hit your dead hamster, with a baseball bat? Man, that hamster was already dead though and like what else you supposed to do with a dead hamster? Um… Bury it, have a funeral for i- MOST PEOPLE, WOULD BE SAD How you gonna be sad when your youtube famous- BUY MAH MERCH!(okay so i just went to his merch merch page and i am freaked out there was literally a dvd of him eating a pizza in front of a homeless family) Well, we thought you would have learned your lesson, after you ate an entire pizza, in front of a homeless family. Man, I was hungry though, Hogan gotta eat!(me too) Well, what about the time you recorded yourself doing magic tricks, for the blind people? Man, they missed a good show and they didn’t even clap… The deaf people did though.(you are messed up hogan -Now I got a question for you…
-What’s that? What are thooooOooooooose?!?!?! Ahahahah. Wow, that was a shocking interview. However, YouTube DID release a statement earlier this morning, stating that they do not Condone the actions of Hogan Paul, but he makes them too much money. Therefore, He will not be punished(NOOOOOOO) He makes millions of dollars making YouTube videos?! Jeffy! We can do that! we can make videos! Jeffy stop it, Jeffy stop it!! *POOP FALLS OUT* What, Daddy, I was being a fish. Jeffy, that guy on TV makes millions of dollars making YouTube videos, we could do that! What are we gonna make videos about daddy? Where’s your hamster at… oh, I gave it away. What? (oh you messed up now) UH-uh nothing jeffy! Let me go get my laptop. We’re gonna make your YouTube channel. Okay, daddy. Alright jeffy, What do you want your YouTube username to be? I pee out of my butt. I know, Jeffy, but what do you want your YouTube username to be? Uh… uh… Billonmypoopbutt69! *JEFFY BREATHING* What? No- I’m not going to call you that! You know I’m gonna call it Jeffy. Just your username is gonna be Jeffy:( Just Jeffy. Alright Jeffy Now let me get my camera so we can start making videos, and get rich! Alright daddy. Alright, Jeffy We’re gonna start off with toy unboxing videos There’s a lot of videos of parents making their kids open up toys on YouTube(like EvantubeHD And they get millions! and MILLIONS of views! so when I say go, you’re gonna open up these Legos and have fun, OK?(i guess thats not not true) Okay, daddy! Alright, and… go! Hi! My name is Jeffy! And I got me a Lego set! What are you gonna do with all those Legos, Jeffy? I’m gonna play with them when I get them open, Daddy! UAAHHH! *munching* *not family-friendly 🙁 Mmm! Those Legos taste really good! See daddy, it says 5-12 years! And I ate em’ all in only 10 seconds! Woah! what’s going on here?! *OH NO HERE COMES THE POLICE* -The police?!
-The YouTube police! You can’t do that on YouTube! It’s against the rules! What’s against the rules? This is child endangerment! You’re teaching kids to eat Legos! Hey, hey, do not eat Legos. Okay, it’s dangerous *well DUH* We’re not teaching kids eat Legos, look kids already know not to eat Legos, look. There’s a choking hazard on the box Well it’s a choking hazard on my underwear too. But then doesn’t stop my wife She- She eats my underwear. It’s a nuisance*He has a weird wife* Well Jeffy, looks like you can’t eat Legos on YouTube. Well, *Ï¨Ç˚* HEY HEY HEY! YOU CAN’T CUSS ON YOUTUBE EITHER! Why not? BECAUSE IT’S NOT FAMILY-FRIENDLY. And you have to be family-friendly. Okay, well… Ok… Well, what are all the things we can’t do then? *Sigh* Hold on, let me get the book… Wha- the book? *GRUNT* Here we go. This is the big book of things you cannot do on YouTube. That’s a huge book! Yeah, this is just Volume one. There’s 30 volumes of this. Ok… Well what are all the things we CAN do? Oh, I got that too, hang on, there you go. Tha- That’s a fortune cookie… Yeah, but inside of the things you can do. Ok, well, show me. Okay, *CRUSHING OF COOKIE* just push this up here… take a look at what we got, uh… Ok, lemme just crush this up here, take a look at what we got….
*Crunching noises* Uhh.. Now let’s see, uh, all right. That’s… wow I didn’t bring my glasses. That’s… that’s really small… yeah, I can’t read this. Uh, let’s just say I know the things you can’t do, okay? Alright, uh, alright Jeffy… Let’s try opening up another toy… Here, open this toy. I don’t want to. YOU’RE GONNA OPEN IT! HEY HEY HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! Wha- wha- what? Y-you’re trying to make him do something doesn’t wanna do! You can’t do that! But- but they get a lot of views though! No- It’s againt the rules, you cannot do that! *SIGH* Alright, Jeffy, then I guess we won’t do toy unboxing videos. Let’s find something else to do… Okay, daddy. Alright, Jeffy Now, we’re gonna try to make blender videos We’re gonna put a bunch of stuff in the blender, to see if it’ll blend or not. People love this stuff! It’s really cheap, and it gets millions and millions of views, so you’re gonna blend these eggs first I drew faces on it to make it more funny, so when I say go you blend up the eggs, all right? *OH NO* We’re gonna blend the eggies, daddy? Yeah, go! Hey, guys! My name is Jeffy, and today, we’re gonna be blending these eggies! Will it blend? Let’s find out! *BLENDER BLENDS*
JESUS CHRIST JEFFY YOU’RE KILLING THESE EGGS NOOOOOOOO* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE EGGIES ARE DYING DADDY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Yep, they got blended into a million peices! Oh, we gonna get so many views, Jeffy, so many views! Oh- No you’re not! Wait- What? You broke the rules again! Wha- What rules did we break?! Let’s take a look! According to paragraph 5 sub-section C, Article 4, you drew faces on those eggs, which means you were pretending they were people when you kill them, and that’s murder. WHA- N-NO, we didn’t pretend there were people, they were just eggs! Well they might have just been next to you, but to this CHICKEN, they were HER KIDS! I know, I know, honey. They’re MONSTERS!
*Chicken sobbing* *Chicken sobbing even louder* Yeah, I know.. Ok, fine! We’ll do something else then, come on, Jeffy. *SIGH* Okay, Jeffy now we’re gonna try to make a gaming channel I’m gonna record you playing video games, on your DS And it should get millions of views nothing wrong with that, is there? Nope, not yet. But I’ll be watching.
Alright, Jeffy, you ready? But I’ll be watching. All right Jeffy, you ready? Yeah this is so cool daddy. Alright, let me get the camera… *GRUNTING* *JEFFY SNAPS THE DS* *snap* Wha- JEFFY!!!!! YOU BROKE IT- W-WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, JEFFY?! *OFFICER BROOKLYN T. GUY LAUGHS* Oh my god that was hilarious! You are gonna get millions of views for that! Wha-wai-wai-wait, really?! Oh yeah, people love that kinda stuff! Well, I-I wasn’t recording though! Oh… Oh, that sucks. Um… Do you have another DS? Wha- Nooo! What are we gonna do to get view? This sucks!
Um… Oh you could try vlogging! Um… Oh- You can try vlogging! Vlogging? What’s that? Well, it’s what Hogan Paul does, he just records himself doing stuff in his everyday life, And then he gets millions of dollars for it. Oh-uh, Millions of dollars to record your everyday life? Alright, Jeffy, here, here’s a camera Just go record your everyday life, just go record yourself doing something stupid. Just you, go vlog, okay? Ok, daddy! Go become a millionaire! Alright, I hope this works, but he’s not breaking the rules, is he? Uh, not yet. Alright… (Jeffy Recording) How do you turn this thing on? Uh uH UH UH UH UH UH UH UHHHHHHHHHHHHH *Gasp*, wha-, what are you doing in there, You wanna see my Pencil? See? Look, it’s up my nose! See? Look at it! It’s on my nose! Diaper cam time! (Yay Diaper Cam Time) Oh, diaper cam!
Uh! *GRUNT* *GRUNT* Uh! Diaper-Cam! Uh! Diaper Cam! Well, my name is Jeffy. And I am in the kitchen right now, and, uh, I got me a plate of green beans! And I hate green beans! They look like boogers. And I don’t like to eat boogers, unless they come out of my nose. You wanna know what I do to these? Well I’ll show you. (Jeffy Destroys Plate Full Of Green Beans) (Shatter) *GASP* Daddy’s gonna be mad? And right here, I got my cat piano, see? I’ll play it for you. ♪ I hate green beans! I like carrots! I like carrots! And my daddy is a tooth fairy! Tooth fairy! Tooth fairy! UH UH UH! ♪ What do you think about that? What d’ya think ’bout that? Well, I think it’s time for me to S my diaper, so, I’ll be right back! (Means to poop his pants) *JEFFY GRUNTING* Uhhh uhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh *Farts* *Grunting noises* What?! Two views?! I thought you said would get millions! Well it gets millions when Hogan Paul does it, maybe you should be more like him! Maybe you should be more like him! What? More like him? Um… (Jeffy Changes To Jeffy Paul) (Jeffy Getting A lot Of Subs And Views) Wha-, look! Millions of views, and millions of subscribers! Wow! That was fast! And all just because you changed your last name to Paul? *Doorbell* Who’s that? Uh, hold on… Uh, hello?
Does Jeffy Paul live here? Does Jeffy Paul live here? Uh- Yeah, Jeffy Paul lives here. Here’s yours first months check. And by check, I mean a bag full of ca$h Ba-Bag full of cash? Bag full of cash? How much is this? All of it. A-all of it? Yep. Uh, uh- Alright… Keep up the good work. O-o-o-okay… Oh my god, guys, look at all this money from YouTube! We’re rich!! YouTube money, baby! I made all this money? You sure did, “Jeffy Paul”! You’re the greatest son ever! Uh, don’t assume his gender. (It’s 2018 guys, come on.) Oh, I’m sorry. Alright Jeffy, now that you’ve made millions of dollars, and you have influence on millions of people What are you gonna do now? I am gonna film a video in the forest! Ok! Ohhh god! This is gonna be awesome! Yeah, I don’t see how this would go wrong at all. (Sobbing) Wow, that went really bad. Jeffy, why did you think that was a good idea? The views, daddy. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? Wh-What’s the problem? Well we lost all our money and our subscribers hate us!
Well, that’s okay, We’re gonna forget about it in a week anyway. Wh-wait, really? Yeah, you’re not gonna even get punished! What, really? Yeah, unless you’re making videos with puppets! THAT’S BAD! THAT’S REALLY BAD! WE’RE GONNA AGE-RESTRICT YOU! (Don”t Do It To SML) (Brooklyn Don’t Do It) YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING THAT! YOU’RE LUCKY WE EVEN HAVE A CHANNEL! *Now for a quick out-takes…* Okay, we’re gonna try to blend this potato Yeah, that’ll blend. Or we’ll try to blend these gumballs… Well, that’ll blend, but it’s colorful, so I like it! Yeah, we’ll also try to blend these, uh, these gummy bears… Oh, ok! What about your phone, daddy? My phone? What- NO! JEFFY! YOU’RE GOING TO BLEND MY PHONE?! (Jeffy No) (Phone In Blender) Hey daddy, What about your phone what my phone my phone What about your phone? WHAT- MY PHONE?! N-NOT MY PHONE! (Jeffy NOOOOOOOOO) (Phone In Blender) (Again) And today, we’re gonna blend Mr. ‘Tato! Yep, say goodbye for Mr. ‘Tato! Will he blend?! We’ll find out! (Jeffy Turns On Blender While Mr Tado Is In) (Mr Tado In Blender) (Rip Mr Tado) Captions by trenton casey (The End)