Jimmy Kimmel Reads The Serious Goose to His Kids

Jimmy Kimmel Reads The Serious Goose to His Kids


I WROTE AND ILLUSTRATED A CHILDREN’S BOOK. IT’S CALLED “THE SERIOUS GOOSE.” IT COMES OUT TOMORROW. ALL THE MONEY I MAKE FROM THE BOOK GOES TO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL HERE IN L.A. AND CHILDREN’S HOSPITALS ACROSS THE UNITED STATES. THE BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY LITTLE ONES, JANE AND BILLY. I CALL MY DAUGHTER GOOSE. IT’S HER NICKNAME. THE BOOK WAS INSPIRED BY THAT. AND WHEN I GOT A COPY LAST WEEK, WE SET UP SOME HIDDEN CAMERAS IN MY OFFICE AND I READ THE BOOK TO THEM AND NOW I WILL READ IT TO YOU TOO. HERE IT IS. “THE SERIOUS GOOSE.”>>HI, BILL. HI, JANE. WHAT’S THIS? WHAT’S THE NAME OF THIS BOOK?>>GOOD BOOK.>>WHAT’S IT CALLED?>>JIMMY KIMMEL.>>THAT’S RIGHT. THANK YOU, JANE. ARE YOU EXCITED?>>YEAH.>>TELL YOUR FACE.>>JUST READ IT.>>OKAY. YOU READY, BILLY? WHAT ARE YOU EATING?>>ORANGE.>>AN ORANGE? OKAY. ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.>>STOP LISTENING TO US AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOOK AND READ IT.>>Jimmy: OKAY. SORRY.>>I NEED MORE ORANGE.>>Jimmy: YOU NEED MORE ORANGES? OKAY. SOON AS I READ THE BOOK I’LL GET YOU ANOTHER ORANGE, OKAY?>>I’LL BE RIGHT BACK.>>Jimmy: YOU’LL BE RIGHT BACK? OKAY, YOU GO GET AN ORANGE AND I’LL START READING THE BOOK. “THE SERIOUS GOOSE.” HERE IT IS. THIS IS A — >>SERIOUS GOOSE.>>Jimmy: THERE IS NOTHING SILLY ABOUT THIS GOOSE. DO NOT EVEN TRY TO BE SILLY AROUND THIS? GOOSE. YOU LIKE IT ALREADY? THIS GOOSE WILL NOT SMILE AT ALL. NOT EVEN IF YOU PUT A CHICKEN ON HER HEAD. NOTHING. EVEN IF YOU WERE TO DRESS THIS GOOSE AS A MOOSE. ZILCH. EVEN IF YOU ORDER A PIZZA.>>WHAT DOES ZILCH MEAN?>>Jimmy: ZILCH MEANS ZERO. NOTHING. TOPPED WITH DELICIOUS SNAILS. NO SMILE. THIS GOOSE MEANS BUSINESS. SERIOUS BUSINESS. NO ONE CAN MAKE THIS GOOSE SMILE.>>WHAT DOES THIS SAY?>>Jimmy: NO ONE. WHAT’S THAT, YOU SAY? YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT? HA!>>NO. IT’S LIKE THIS. HA!>>Jimmy: HA. YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE THIS GOOSE SMILE? THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN MAKE THIS GOOSE SMILE. NO ONE CAN. THIS IS A NO-SMILING GOOSE. BUT GO RIGHT AHEAD. LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND GIVE IT A SHOT. MAKE FUNNY FACES. LET’S SEE WHAT YOU’VE GOT. STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE AND MAKE YOUR EARS WIGGLE. ACT LIKE A MONKEY. THIS GOOSE WILL NOT GIGGLE. CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN. MOO LIKE A COW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?>>I’M DOING THIS.>>Jimmy: OH. BE GOOFY, BE DOOFY, ANY WAY YOU KNOW HOW. HOWEVER YOU DO IT, IT WON’T BE ENOUGH. THIS GOOSE ISN’T SILLY.>>GOO, GOO, GOO, GOO, GOO.>>Jimmy: THIS GOOSE IS TOO TOUGH. GA, GA, GOO, GA, GA? WHAT? SEE? I HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO. BUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I KNEW WOULD HAPPEN. GOOD TRY, THOUGH. YOU WERE VERY FUNNY. MOST GEESE WOULD HAVE LAUGHED SO HARD EGGS WOULD BE COMING OUT. BUT NOT THIS GOOSE. THIS GOOSE WILL NEVER, EVER — UH-OH. WHAT IS THIS? BILLY, WHAT’S HAPPENING?>>THE MOUTH.>>Jimmy: SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO THIS GOOSE.>>HE SMILED!>>Jimmy: HE SMILED? NO. THIS CAN’T BE. STOP BEING SO SILLY. THIS IS A SERIOUS GOOSE. DO NOT MAKE THE GOOSE SMILE. OH, NO. THIS IS TERRIBLE. BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE ORDER OF SERIOUS GEESE AND GOOSES I HEREBY COMMAND YOU TO STOP AMUSING THIS GOOSE. WOW. THE GOOSE IS REALLY GIGGLING.>>HE’S HAPPY.>>Jimmy: HE’S HAPPY. THIS IS NOT SUCH A SERIOUS GOOSE AFTER ALL. IN FACT, THIS SEEMS TO BE A — SILLY GOOSE. THANKS TO YOU. YOU ARE A SILLY KID.>>HE’S WEARING A HEEL AND A BOOT.>>Jimmy: HE’S WEARING A HEEL AND A BOOT. YOU’LL BE HEARING FROM OUR ATTORNEYS. THE? END.>>LOOK AT THE CAMERA.>>Jimmy: YEAH, THERE’S A CAMERA RIGHT THERE.>>HI.>>Jimmy: SAY HI, BILLY.>>HI.>>Jimmy: SO GUYS, ALL THE MONEY THAT I MAKE FROM THIS BOOK GOES TO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL, WHERE BILLY GOT HIS HEART SURGERY AND CHILDREN’S HOSPITALS AROUND THE COUNTRY. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU LIKE THAT, BILLY? YOU DO? YOU LIKE THAT, JANE?>>MM-HMM.>>Jimmy: “THE SERIOUS GOOSE.” WHAT’S THIS CALLED?>>SERIOUS GOOSE.>>Jimmy: RIGHT.>>SERIOUS GOOSE BY JIMMY KIMMEL. THAT’S MY DAD.

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